I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
