so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
