Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
