oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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