I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
