When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
