Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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