When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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