I'll bet she douches with gravy.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
