You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Come share oat with me in your robe
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