I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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