I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
