"it" just moved
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
