Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
