you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
