My room smells like vodka and shame
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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