So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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