If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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