the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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