i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
