You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i love accidental penises.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Well I just put wine in my tea
You brought string cheese to the strip club
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
