And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
