Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
