Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
