Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
