just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
