I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Drake has all the answers
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
