Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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