your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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