Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
