Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
