If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
