I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
