So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
