were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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