Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
The uberlube is also flammable
Im part way to drunk.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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