I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
