The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
