Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i think my tv is drunk
I just saw a hot homeless man
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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