We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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