I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Let's get the cat blown out
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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