she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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