It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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