peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
