Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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