I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
