She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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