My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
