i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
