I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
