there's paper in my vomit.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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