And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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